#9: You Say Ax, I Say Axe

Few tools wield the mystical power of an axe. Grasp a screwdriver or a pair of pliers and you are simply holding a tool, but hold an axe and you’ve got something special. It’s a feeling that cannot be explained; only experienced. So if you’ve never felt the majesty of the axe, stop reading this now and go to your local hardware store (or axe store if you are Canadian) and take one for a spin. Then you’ll know.

For hundreds of years the axe has been a symbol of power. In Medieval times axes not only served to cut wood but they were also used to bust open heads, making the axe perhaps the first true multi-tool! Nowadays axes are used to save lives rather than take them. In addition, the axe is still used to cut wood and…well that’s about it. Nonetheless axes mean power.

Look at any group of guys and the man with the axe is generally in charge. Unfortunately, society tends to frown on carrying an axe any place but into the woods, so this is only a scene from the history books. I think the negative stigma associated with axe brandishing is a major reason for the breakdown of society, but that’s a topic for another day.

I somehow managed to live 36 years before purchasing my own axe. I was amazed to see how modern axes differ from those of my youth. There are some things I thought just could not be improved, namely the hammer and the axe. Well, when it comes to the axe I was wrong.

Modern day axes are equipped with a built in wedge to facilitate wood splitting. Such technology is only rivaled by the artificial heart and microwave popcorn. In addition, the hickory handle from days of yore has been replaced with fiberglass, which is not just unbreakable but “indestructible”. Seeing such a claim stamped on the side of the handle implies that there is someone out there who can actually destroy an axe handle. All I can say is that I want to be on that dude’s good side.

My “premium log splitter” has one final improvement, a blade cover. I was formerly ignorant to the modern marvels of axe advancement and thought that blade covers were made strictly from old newspaper and duct tape. Every axe my dad owns has exactly that covering the blade. Apparently there is new technology that gives axe makers the ability to mold a piece of plastic to fit over the blade. There are some sharp people out there! Of course, I have already lost the cover so I’m back to folding up an old copy of the Wall Street Journal and wrapping it with tape. So much for technology.

Use #9: Axe Blade Cover

John Hansen has cut and stacked many cords of wood. He has also enjoyed central heating and thinks turning up the thermostat is much easier than splitting wood. He is the co-author of the Power of Zahn, a mega-hero novel waiting to split the literary world with an axe.