#10: Collections

Like most Americans I tend to accumulate junk. I don’t know how it happens, but it just does. One day you graduate from college, load everything you own in the backseat of your car, and set out on the great adventure known as life. Two years later it takes a tractor trailer and three former college linemen to move all of your crap across town.

As a society we have devised several “feel good” terms for this disease. We label ourselves as collectors, enthusiasts, and aficionados. But in the end it all comes back to one simple fact; we have too much stuff. There are some collections that have at least a shred of usefulness, such as tools, dishes, and books. These are all practical items, but even they often just sit and take up space. On the other hand collections of figurines, rocks, and bottle caps are simply the result of some neurological disorder.

Recently I discovered my most useless collection of all - airline miles. For the past several years I have slowly accumulated miles on every major airline, traveling just enough to keep them from expiring. Finally last summer I hit the magic number: 50,000 miles! That, according to the airline, is enough for two free tickets “anywhere in the continental United States.” That’s right, for nothing more than my loyal patronage I was going to be rewarded with free travel.

I soon sat down to book a trip. I was so excited that my years of collecting miles would finally pay off. I quickly realized, however, that unless we wanted to catch the 2:30 a.m. flight to Bozeman on the second Wednesday in October the dream of a 25,000 mile ticket was shattered. I thought to myself, “Well, at least I can still book one ‘anytime’ 50,000 mile ticket.” Unfortunately, I was about 12 miles short of the magic 50k number and the old “1,000 mile grace factor” had gone the way of free bags and honey roasted peanuts. A chipper airline representative named Earl (who resides in Mumbai) informed me that I could simply by another 1,000 miles for around $50. Then on top of that it would only cost me $30 to cash in those miles and after paying $40 dollars in taxes and fees I would be all set. At that point I decided that I had nothing more than a collection of shit.

About the same time I clued in that the Wall Street Journal was no longer showing up in my front yard. Apparently it had not been showing up for about two weeks, which explained my empty trunk and recycling bin. So in the grand spirit of collecting things I don’t use, I decided to renew my subscription.

In the process perhaps my largest collection, useless information stored in my brain, flashed something across my conscience thoughts. I remembered seeing something about cashing airline miles in for magazines. So after digging through 17 layers of the airline’s website, I uncovered the Magazines for Miles program. At the top of the list was the Wall Street Journal!

Use #10: Redeeming Airline Miles

John Hansen cannot fly without the assistance of an airplane and having worked around the flying crafts for nearly 12 years he remains absolutely amazed that they ever actually get built. He is the co-author of the Power of Zahn, a novel which will make the hearts of every reader soar like a 747.